how i wish i could turn back time. back to the time when i was a little boy. when everything was going perfectly fine. when mom and dad are happy because things were going so well for me. i remembered people telling me how good, obedient, polite, caring and respectful i was when i was young.

i changed a lot when i was around my 2nd year of high school life. i believe some are good changes, but mostly, all of it was bad. i know i can't blame the people around me for the bad changes i've undergo, because i could choose not to walk that path. however, i continued walking that path that lead me astray. although i could take a step back and walk another path i still insisted walking that direction.

since then, i started talking back to my parents,making wrong decisions in my life,doing bad stuff, breaking their heart all the time, shattering their future goals for me, taking away their happiness and showed no respect to them at all.

i didn't know what was happening to me already. i've become a monster. no, actually i'm far worst than a monster. i'm a devil.

but as i grew older, i took the liberty to start from scratch. start from a new piece of paper. start from the very beginning. It's hard to change back to they way it first started when you have already done such horrible stuff that are hard to forget. so i just took one step at a time. and just one mini step, can already bring so many happiness to the people who love me and care for me.

i also do believe in the saying that you'll learn from your mistakes. everybody makes mistakes in life, be it big or small. and the stuff that we learned could actually make us stronger in the future.

on my journey, sometimes i thought of giving up. Because its hard. its very hard. its not easy. i can't say that i'm better now. but i know i'm better than before.

Say whatever you have to say while they are still with you!
You don't want to wait till its too late.-rhea

mom and dad, i don't know if you are reading this but if you somehow did, i really want to tell you that i'm really sorry for all the stuff that i've done that made you guys cried, angry and dissapointed. And i want to tell you that i'm happy and very proud to have both of you as my parents because whatever i've done that have disgrace our family name or people that are gossiping about me and the rumours that you've heard, you guys were still there for me, you still accepted me wholely, and you were never ashamed of me and you never gave up on me. you guys have a lot of patience with me.and i really want to thank you for that.someday, somehow, everything will be ok. i promise you that. i can't say it will be ASAP, but i know God will choose the right time and the right day for it. i love you both.