I feel really emotional right now. I just don't know what will happen to me after a couple of weeks later. You might not really understand what I'm talking about, but i feel that i just need to express my thoughts here. I don't really know if i could handle it. I don't really know if i could survive in the situation that I will be having sooner or later. I don't' even know if i could go over my limits to have things done. I don't even know where to get my money and my food from if i were ever going to be short on money. I don't even know where to run to if i ever need a shoulder to cry on. I don't even know if i could survive being silent or alone. I don't really know what to do while somebody is suffering because of what i just did. But the one and only thing that i know what i am suppose to do now is not to panic, or i will breakdown.

Its not that i want to hurt them. Its not because i despise them. Its because I'm left with no other choice.

I know I've been quite a disappointment to you. I know I'm spoilt. I know you've given me more than i actually needed. I know I've made quite bad choices that went really wrong all the time. I know you spent a lot of money because of me. I know you see changes in me that you don't really like. And by simply saying sorry to you won't change the fact that all of this happened already. What i just want you to know that i still think of you and I'm trying my best to change for the better. time will tell what I've done. I Just hope that both of you will wait patiently for my return. And i hope both of you will forgive me for what I've done so far. I love you both