I feel really emotional right now. I just don't know what will happen to me after a couple of weeks later. You might not really understand what I'm talking about, but i feel that i just need to express my thoughts here. I don't really know if i could handle it. I don't really know if i could survive in the situation that I will be having sooner or later. I don't' even know if i could go over my limits to have things done. I don't even know where to get my money and my food from if i were ever going to be short on money. I don't even know where to run to if i ever need a shoulder to cry on. I don't even know if i could survive being silent or alone. I don't really know what to do while somebody is suffering because of what i just did. But the one and only thing that i know what i am suppose to do now is not to panic, or i will breakdown.

Its not that i want to hurt them. Its not because i despise them. Its because I'm left with no other choice.

I know I've been quite a disappointment to you. I know I'm spoilt. I know you've given me more than i actually needed. I know I've made quite bad choices that went really wrong all the time. I know you spent a lot of money because of me. I know you see changes in me that you don't really like. And by simply saying sorry to you won't change the fact that all of this happened already. What i just want you to know that i still think of you and I'm trying my best to change for the better. time will tell what I've done. I Just hope that both of you will wait patiently for my return. And i hope both of you will forgive me for what I've done so far. I love you both

i just woke up awhile ago, still feeling a little bit sleepy, but i just couldn't get myself back to sleep. Then my mom went in my room asking me if i have thumbtacks, and i told her that i don't.

She must have stared at me for quite sometime till she noticed this , she told me not to play volleyball anymore at the beach. Cause she feels that the color of my skin is really dark now. and then she told me to put whitening cream for my face and body whitening lotion for my body.

(X_ X)''

2008/01/31

My first 'scratch*' experience.


I didn't felt anything while doing this. I was numbed. I was somebody else. Each scratch that i endured couldn't add up to what evilness i did to that person. I blamed myself for hurting someone who is so close to me. We were never the same again after that day. I'm sorry

*I don't consider it as a cut, cause its not even that deep.

whenever i'm packing my stuff, i feel a sense of relief. It feels like every item that goes into my luggage brings me a step away from Singapore.

Singapore's crowded environment has never suited me. There are high rise buildings, people and car everywhere. The lack of open space is stifling. homesickness overwhelmed me.

In Singapore, the only thing that keeps me from moving are my family and my friends. without that i don't really know if i could survive living here.

just looking at a HDB flat makes me sick. it feels like its squeezing me to the point that i don't have sufficient air to breath. and if you think living at the highest floor of a HDB flat will give you a sense of greeneries and open space when you look out of your window, then you are wrong. cause beside you are more HDB flats blocking your view. That sucks.

i just happened to flip through some of my thousand photos in my laptop. And this photo made me laugh. I was like," hey i can't remember where i get those ". And who gave me that HAHAHAH!!.... crap!

I'm so tired now. I met ate deb. Finally, after a million year!!!

Before having dinner at billy bomers, we had our coffee at Gloria's jeans coffee just right next to cineleisure. Ate deb told me that it was one of the best coffee she had when she was in Australia. And she told me to try it. But since she's having it in singapore, it wasn't exactly what she expected to be. it wasn't that good. But at least we had fun camwhoring there! haha!







so our next stop was billy bomers. we had bugers and sandwiches for dinner. It was really delicious! fabolisimo! We got a free mug from billy bomers cause i ate at billy bomers a week ago with my friends and i got a free mug coupon from our previous bill. So i just gave that free mug to ate deb. cause she's the one who paid my dinner today! THANK YOU! ATE DEB! because me no hab money! hahaha! no hab money! haha!




We were suppose to walk to clark quay from cineleisure, but we didn't. Instead, we played billiards somewhere near istana park. i couldn't remember where the exact location we are at. cause its been such a long time since both of us went back there. and whenever we are back. singapore seems to be surprising us with new RENOVATIONS and everythings seems to be so different. So while walking to our location we camwhored all the way.





then we played billiard!!!!

after playing billiard we went to istana park and dance. we dance to the song soljia boy. haha! its so funny and we look like crap! but we had fun! people who passed by us were looking at us strangely haha! but yea. its not like we get to do this all the time right?

then its time for Goodbyes. but we had plans to meet somewhere this year again. i hope it will happen though.

Dang! Just look at the time now. Its 6.30am.

I want to SLEEP!!!!!!!
I really do!
I tried the "counting sheep method". - failed to fall asleep
I even tried the "close your eyes, and never open for the longest time method".- failed to fall asleep
DANGIT!

Why do i have insomnia whenever I'm in Singapore?

OK when i went back to Philippines last march. My "sobrang gwapo (handsome)" face had a horrible time adjusting to the air pollution there! so i had the worst acne breakout in my entire life during the first month of my stay. So i told myself to relax, how bad can it possibly get right? so i changed my facial wash brand to St. Ives. blemish scrub something. And suprisingly it went well during the first few days, then BOOM after few days later it tripled in size and number! dang! from then on, i was never seen outside. i had PIMPLEPHOBIA! i was too scared to go out. too scared to enjoy a day in the pool, too scared to see my own pimple. ugh gross.

so i decided enough is enough. I have to do something about this. I went to one of the best dermatologist in philippines to have my acne treatment done. It was such a painful procedure because every half an inch of my skin on my face was poked and squeezed and was injected with needles. OUCH! and of course good dermatologist comes in great prices too. So i should very well forget about buying an IPHONE.

here are the before and after pics of me hahaha!

before
(this is just few acnes, i don't want to show where it tripled in size and number. its just too gross to see it)

After
i can say there are still some gray spots left on my cheeks. but its not that BAD as compared to before. and its not Very noticeable too. so now i can forget about wasting all my time editing my pics on CS2. haha!

and i did had people telling me that my skin improved and is much smoother then before...

hearing that just made me esctatic! :D

oh my tag box is available now! so anyone just feel free to comment/tag alright!

Few more days left to go, and somebody really close to me will be very disappointed with what i'll be doing to them. I don't think i have a choice. Because if i follow my plans, i'll be happy, and if i did not do it, then I will regret this decision i made for the rest of my life.

Its painful! Its heartbreaking! YES! but not only to them! but to me too! you know, if i'm not caught with a dead-end situation, i will never even think about this. but its already here.And i can't back out now. I can only hope that nothing bad will happen and all my plan will go smoothly.


In life, there is a point where we have to make the decision for ourself. sometimes it can hurt real bad, or bring people great joy. But whatever it is, the most important thing is, we did not regret what we did- MARK BRIAN

I'm back!

Okay, i've been busy and putting almost all my time in my studies lately. University life has been really tough but i know i can handle it. But this doesn't mean that i put away my social life...i made quite a number a friends too. Infact, a lot of them. Seriously i don't walk to write to much here. so let me just cut it short and go directly to the point. After the 6cyclemind concert in our school here in La Salle, my friend paolo, mariel, judith and i went to Sm bacoor to roam around and have late coffee together. Okay had so much fun. but that is not what the main idea of this post is. well you know that we're going to a cafe restaurant right? so people there should expect decent people or at least maybe stereotypically smart and diligent people. but what we did was, judith made a really incredible nasty idea of FUN / HISTORY. she told us. HEY why not all of us pass our buble gum to one another till it comes back to us in a clock-wise motion....and all the rest of us were like..WHAAAAT??? are you joking..seriously i thought she was just joking. but actually, she was being literal. well, its kinda disgusting.it wasn't a normal thing to do hahaha......but the sign of friendship and trust was potrayed there. as far as i could think of. hahhaa..maybe. possibly, i'm not sure either. so we passed our chewing gum in an clock wise motion first...first my chewing gum was pass from mariel to paolo to judith then back to me. hahaha..and vice versa with the other peeps....gosh you should take the look of our face....No actually, you should see the reactions of the people around us..PRICELESS so since this wasn't a simple or normal thing to do. In our tissue all four of us,which the cafe shop gave us. we placed our chewing gum at the center. and then we wrote the date time and etc. and then all of us took turns and signed the tissue.... it was really akward but all i know is that , this would never be forgotten. DISGUSTING yes, imagine passing around bits of saliva. haha.nasty. memorize will be forever in our hearts hahaha..cornyfied haha..ok i got to go and do my assignment

I seriously don't know whether to pity my own country, Philippines, or to hate it.

While watching the news just now, it seems that the water bill/gasoline/patrol/electricity bills prices are getting more expensive everyday and it is not stopping. On the other hand, natural disasters are destroying and damaging a lot of houses and infrastructure in provincial areas in Philippines. Thus, our country gave them a helping hand by spending almost 70 million pesos for food, shelter and their basic needs,etc....this is making me think a lot.

You know, this country can be remould and shaped into a developed country. However, it seems that Philippines is having a hard time going up the ladder through out the following years.

do you know that whenever I'm watching the news here in Philippines, i feel so depressed? the news here are SO DEPRESSING! it makes you want to leave the country immediately.

in Singapore, the news are always about SOCCER! you know what i mean guys! and new buildings RENOVATION and NEW ways of this and that helping the country. and just few minor crime happenings. And to tell you the truth the reason why i don't watch the news in Singapore is , 1. is very boring because everything is about upgrading. 2. i always feel safe and secure. so watching the news in singapore wasn't a must for me. 3. things are very constant there. electricity, patrol, etc are quite constant there. if there is a raise somehow, they'll tell you about half a year advance..

However, when i'm here in philippines, i would rather watch a boring news then see so many depressing stuff. like people killing someone because of stupid reason like a guy kill his ex girlfriend out of jealousy. and many crazy stuff.

i seriously don't know what will happen to philippines. Oh God help this country.