The reason why i couldn't be the best that i can possibly be is because, i lack "The ability to take care of myself FIRST before anyone else".

I have helped and advised a lot of people with their problems before. As if their problems was my responsibility and duty.

Than, awhile ago, i told myself, " what about you mark ? what have you done or help to make yourself a better person? you have your own problems too mark, so why do you have to prioritize others when you have your own problems to fix first? If you are capable to change or help them in their lives why can't you change or help yourself first before you help others? ".

Than i realized that i have already neglected myself. I couldn't reason my way out. Because everything was so true and real.

The facts was killing me, it was painful to hear. Bearable but very painful. I couldn't even inhale properly. It was very hard to swallow everything in one go. I feel so restless and guilty. I have to squeeze every ounce of energy in me just so i could carry on with what i was doing while i came to a realization.

I made an agreement with myself today.

" I will prioritize myself before others. "

but this does not mean that I'm going to be selfish to others. I'm going to help them when they need me. And if one of their problems happened to be one of my problems that i haven't solved yet, i will refuse to help them because i don't want to be a hypocrite. I don't want to tell people to do something that i don't do.

For example, i advised someone not to do something because it is bad. However, I'm doing what i told that person not to do.

So from now onwards, i want to see a change in me. I want to help myself to be a better me.